Hope
As I look back over my personal social media feed, it gives a very strong impression that 2019 was a glorious year of victory after victory - and yes, there were significant breakthroughs. And as one big work day looms before I can wrap up the 2019 year, leave town and head to family in Melbourne, I am broken. It may not look it, just by skimming over Facebook, but 2019 has been the most freaking intense year of my life.
Tomorrow can't come fast enough.
At the beginning of 2019 we found out our business, Tielka, was one of 13 businesses selected to take part in a food accelerator program. It was a wide-open door, an incredible opportunity. It would require taking three days out of our week, 15 trips over around five months, travelling 4 1/2 hours each way from Agnes Water, QLD to the Sunshine Coast. Packing, unpacking, leaving the kids with friends.
Just before we found out we had been accepted into the program, within two days, we found out our two main income streams that were just keeping us afloat would come to nothing in March. I saw it as an opportunity. Our plate was cleared so we could focus on the program. This was finally Tielka's opportunity to realise its potential. Never mind the expense of weekly travel on top of the new gaping hole in our budget. I had faith. Or maybe I was crazy. And when you have faith you do crazy things because you know God has your back, even if things don't turn out the way you hope. And I calculated if we were really, really careful with our finances, we could do it... just.
A few weeks into the program, we had a series of unexpected financial hits. The car broke down, then the water pump. I can't even remember what happened with the plumbing, but there were a few big bills then too. We started to feel the stress. We decided had to look for alternative income. The intensity of weekly travel was taking its toll. It didn't bring out the best in us.
Months passed with no success looking for alternative income and Tielka was growing fast but it wasn't growing fast enough to make up the shortfall.
In June, we had to go to Brisbane for two weeks while Andrew had surgery (adenoids, grommets, tonsils). I was grateful for the break.
Amongst all this, I was painfully aware of the intense stress in our local school community. Friends who we loved dearly throwing everything into the school to make things work and it was as if it was crumbling before our eyes. We had invested so much years before. I couldn't do anything to help. It was heartbreaking.
I kept working hard on Tielka, trying different strategies. Trying to grow the business, feeling hopeless knowing it still needed so much investment to work but we needed money to survive.
Around this time, with the 10th Anniversary of Tielka I cermented a change in direction and started to reveal a deeper heart behind Tielka. I decided to take a risk and share my story, my faith through the business. I'd tried to avoid this for many years but it no longer made sense without this element.
Then there were some victories. In October Tielka won a heap of awards. The media got on board with the story.
We were chosen by TIQ to take part in an export event for overseas buyers looking for Australian food products. This meant another trip to the Sunshine Coast.
In spite of this, there was still no financial breakthrough. No significant jump in sales - indeed October was a dive - and no export orders.
In November, the Sunshine Coast Daily got a hold of our story - one week, then a second week we were featured. It was ironic that the topic was how couples keep it together while running a successful business. Too often I've felt like this was barely the case. But I guess "keeping it together" doesn't necessarily mean living in a fluffy cloud of chocolates and roses, positive thoughts and words. And a successful business is never one big trajectory of victory upon profit upon success. Sometimes it's just keeping going when you're both at your worst and you want to give up but something inside just refuses to throw in the towel and you hug each other anyway because you have the strength to give nothing else.
On December 2nd, there was a massive victory. An export order of Tielka tea to Singapore - the TIQ event had paid off. Our biggest single order to one destination yet smack bang in our busiest season and we had two weeks to fulfil it. The 18th December, the day we would finally leave town for our Christmas break, felt like an eternity away. By some miracle and a massive team effort, we managed to pull it off without a hitch.
Right now, I am sitting here and writing. It's Tuesday 17th December, we have one last day to tie off all the loose ends of 2019, I have come home from my morning walk and honestly, I am broken.
I also have hope. 2018 was the year of miracles, 2019 was the year of travel. 2020 is the year of hope.
I don't know what 2020 will bring, but I have hope for continued breakthrough. I have hope for growth, for financial provision. I have hope that the pressures of 2019 will no longer bring out the worst in us, but that we will find renewed strength to enjoy the best in us.
In 2020, I have faith that that hope will hold the upper hand.